Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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