suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
