it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
