i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
