Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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