you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
