Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
