This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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