I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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