True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize