im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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