just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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