Fuck appropriateness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
