Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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