at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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