Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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