I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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