I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
