i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
