The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
