1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's like heaven, but drunker
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
