I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
