in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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