i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
