You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
