I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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