I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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