today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We smell like vodka and hangover
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