I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
