yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
