two words: eviction party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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