guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
