He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
