so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
