I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
