When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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