so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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