everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize