woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
