remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
