she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
