Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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