If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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