So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
