Nicole vs. Life
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
