of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize