We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
