I think my vagina is haunted
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have aggressive nipples.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
