Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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