Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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