You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
