So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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