is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
