You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
