We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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