Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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