I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize