There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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