Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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