come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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